Santa Banta SMS

Santa's marriage got fixed for 2nd November. He sent an Invite to all his friends: Marriage is on 2nd, please come on the Ist Night. We'll all have fun together!

Happiness requires two things: A friend to laugh with; And a friend to laugh at! Thanks for being one of them!

A letter landed on the doormat of Santa's house. On it, it was written - Do not bend. Angry Santa: How is one going to pick it up without bending?

After being nicked twice by the barber's razor, Banta asked for a glass of water. "Sorry, Sir!", said the barber. "Is there a hair in your mouth?" Banta: No, I want to see if my neck leaks!

Santa: A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn't take my TV but just the remote. Banta: Lucky you! Santa: Lucky, my ass! Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick bastard!

Pappu: Dad, what's a hermaphrodite? Santa: I don't know, son, but ask your mother, he'll know!

Santa: My wife was trying on different things yesterday and asked me what would make her new dress look sexier. Banta: So what did you suggest? Santa: I told her to give it to her sister"!

Santa: I'm trying to become a vegetarian like Bengalis. Banta: So what all do you eat? Santa: I'm only eating seafood, like prawn, lobster and drowned chicken!

Santa: My wife sent me a blank text. Banta: But why would she do that? Santa: Because she's not talking to me!

Santa: I think I may be a talented photographer. Banta: What makes you believe so? Santa: I took just one picture with my camera phone and it asked me if I wanted to open a gallery!

Banta: A truth can walk naked... but a lie always needs to be dressed. Santa: Now I understood why females keep buying clothes!

Ramesh: What has she got that I haven't? Santa: Shall I tell it to you alphabetically?

Banta: Can I use your phone to call my sister? Santa: Sure, just hit redial!

Santa: There are 2 types of people who really irritate me. Banta: What kind? Santa: Drunk persons when I'm sober and sober ones when I'm drunk!

Santa: Doctor, everybody thinks I am mad. Doctor: But why? Santa: Because I like omelettes. Doctor: There's nothing wrong with that. Even I like omelettes. Santa: Really? Come I'll show you my collection!

Santa: Today, I gave my wife her first driving lesson. Banta: That's really considerate of you. What was her 1st lesson? Santa: I told her, "Always let the man drive"!

Banta: What's the similarity between the Indian government and the Pakistan government? Santa: Both don't care for the Indians!

Judge: What's the proof that you were not over-speeding? Santa: My Lord, I was going to my in-laws place to bring my wife back. Judge: Case dismissed!

Santa: I and Banta were stuck on an escalator for almost 2 hours due to power failure. Friend: You could have walked down. Santa: Actually we were going up!

Ramesh: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me? Santa: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount!

Duniya Bhi Dekhi Aur Duniyadaari Bhi Deekhi; Dil Par Mainee Chalti Hui Aari Bhi Dekhi; Dekhe The Jo Log Maine Wafadariyaan Nibhaate; Unhi Ke Hathon Maine Hoti Gadaari Bhi Dekhi!

Santa apni biwi k office gaya to usne dekha k uski biwi boss ki godi me baithi dictation le rahi thi. Santa:- Chal LAajo, aisi jagah kaam nahi karna jahan staff k liye kursi bhi na ho.

A man went into a bank and said to the cashier, "Will you check my balance?" Santa was also standing in the queue behind him and before the cashier could reply, Santa pushed him.

Jeeto: Kal raat um mujhey neend main gaaliyan day rahay thay? Santa: Tumhari galat fahami hai. Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami? Santa: Yehi ki mein soya tha.

Rone Se Kissi Ko Paya Nahi Jata; Khone Se Kissi Ko Bhulaya Nahi Jata; Waqt Sabko Milta Hai Zindaagi Badalane Ke Liye; Par Zindagi Nahi Milti Waqt Badalne Ke Liye!

Teacher to Santa: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya. Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan...

Bus Accident Man Crying: Mera hath kat gaya. Bahut dard ho raha hai. Santa: Abey chup baith. Wo dekh uska gala kat gaya, Fir bhi chup-chaap pada hai..!!

Jailer: Faasi se pehle kisse miloge? Santa: Biwi Se Jailer: Maa-Baap se nahi Santa: Maa-Baap to agla jnm lete hi mil jyenge biwi ke liye sala phir 25 saal wait karna padega!! :d

Santa ki shaadi ke 3 mahine baad hi beta ho gaya. Santa: Ye 3 mahine mein bacha kaise ho gaya? Biwi: Aapki shadi ko kitna time hua hai? Santa: 3 mahine. Biwi: Aur meri shadi ko? Santa: 3 mahine. Biwi: Aur bachcha kitne time baad hua? Santa: 3 mahine baad. Biwi: Total kitne mahine ho gaye? Santa: Ohh teri vakai, 9 mahine ho gaye! time ka pata hi nahi laga?

Wife bathroom se naha ke nikli to Santa use ghur raha tha! Wife romantic hokar:

Kuch karne ka irada hai kya? Santa 2 thappad maar ke bola:

Mere garm pani se kyu nahayi!!

Santa Car ki Battery change karwane gaya. Mechanic: Sahab, Exide ki Daal doon? Santa: Nahin yaar, Dono side ki daal de warna phir Problem hogi.

Santa ke lips jale hue the Banta: Kaise jale Santa: Wife ko railway steation drop krne gaya tha. Banta: To? Santa: Khushi ke mare. Train ke engine ko choom liya :*

Santa court mein judge se: Aaj tak meri itni insult nahi hui, meri nai padson ne mujhe nahate hue dekh lia he! Judge: to tum kya chahte ho? Santa: Badla.

anta: CHADDI lelo CHADDI.. Girl: Tumhe sharm nhi aati, kya gande shabd bol rahe ho, koi dusre naam se kehte . . . Santa: OK! POND ke KHOL lelo, POND ke KHOL!

Santa pe bijli ki taar gir gayi: Santa tadap tadap ke mrne hi wala tha. ki Use yaad aaya.. bijli to 2 din se bnd hai, wapas uth gaya or bola: Sala! dara diya..!!

Santa looking at air hostess’s name plate above her left bo*b.. KOMAL! With lots of confusion, he asked her.. “Doosra waala KADAK hai kya”?

Santa Dials a Number.. A girl received Santa: Hello Kaun? Girl: Main Seeta Santa: O teri!! Ye to Ayodhya Lag Gaya.. Sorry “MAATE”..!!

Girl to Santa tumhare bina mera Zee nahi lagta.. Santa: ZEE nahi lagta toh, SONY Ya STAR PLUS laga le..!! Ye ladkiya bhi na..

Biwi neend me zorse chillai: Jaldi utho, mere PATI Aa gaye SANTA utha, khidki se kud gaya, Tang tut gayi, Fir khyal Aaya sala mein hi to uska pati hu!!

Santa: Tum Chinese jaisi kyu dikhti ho! Girl: Mere dad Chinese the. Santa: Wo kaha hai! Girl: Mar gaye. Santa: Oh! Aakhir China ka maal tha, chalta bhi kitna!

Waiter: Ur Bill Sir. Santa: Take My Card. Waiter: But Sir, This Is Ration Card. Santa: To Phir Bahar Kya Majaak Me Likha hai.. All Cards are Accepted.

Titanic was sinking, Santa- how much d earth is far 4m here? Banta- 1kmetr… Santa jumped into d sea n asked again… in which direction..? Banta- DOWNWARD…

Santa Cricket Khel Kar Aaya.. Banta: Kitne Run Banaye? Santa: Century Hone Me 99 Run Baki The Or mai Out Ho Gaya. Banta: Shit Yaar so close!

Santa: Me bada hokar Air Force me jaunga. Mom: Mujhe kaise pata chalega k ye mere bete ka plane h? Santa:Me guzarte waqt ghar pe BOMB phek dunga :p

Santa ne challenge kiya: Ke wo kutubminar ko sir pe rkh k emumbai le jayega. Saare News Wale pahunch gaye: Tab Bola- Bas koi utha ke sir pe rakh de!

Lady Beggar: A bhaiya 1 rupya dede 3 din se bhuki hu. Santa: 3 din se bhuki h to 1 rupye ka kya karegi? Lady: Wazan dekhungi kitna ghat gaya hai

Santa- Mere 3 bete Engineer ban gaye lekin ek kambakht DAKU ban gaya. Banta- To usko ghar se nikal do. Santa- Yahi to problem hai kamakar b sala wahi lata hai….

Santa: What’s difference between man & Superman? Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser & superman wears it over the trouser.

Banta: What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? Santa: The taste.

Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye. Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!

Santa: WHat is another difference between a mosquito and a fly? Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannt mosquito.

Banta: When did George Washington die? Santa: 2 days b4 his funeral

Banta: tell me five FERROUCIOUS animals that you can think of…… Santa: 3 lions and 2 tigers.

Santa Singh Ji Zebra Crossing ke Black & White Patte par Bar Bar idhar se Udhar chalte the, Woh kya soch rahe honge ? THINK ? SALA YEH PIYANO BAJTA KYO NAHI ?

SANTA kadhai leke bich raaste khana pakane baitha. Kadhai khali dekh k logo ne pucha saNTAJI kya bana rahe ho? saNTA bola, Sabko bewakoof bana raha hoon.....

Santa asks banta to bring a pepsi. banta brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar. why ?? why ?? Ans: Tendulkar is an opener!!!!!

santa -aaj mane basanti ko nhate hue dekha Banta-mai tera khun pi jaunga santa- wo nha rha tha aur wo ja rhi thi

Santa & banta rajai me so rahe the to santa bola yaar banta paad maar or rajai garam karde _ Banta ne rajai me tatti kardi or bola:le aag hi laga di hath sek le

Santa Ne Beti K Room Me Cigratte Dekha Oh God, She Smokes Wisky Dekhi Oh God, She Drinks Fr Ldke Ko Dekha Thnx God, Ye Sb Iska ha

A sweet girl goes 2 Bantaz shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao. Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kr nhi aya

Santa: Mujhe Sanskrit Sikha do Pndit: Q? Snta: Devtao ki Bhasha H, Swarg Me Zrurt Padegi. Pndit: Agr Narak Gya To? Snta: Galiya To Aati Hai.

Judge-Tum par cycle chori ka ilzaam sabit nahi hua, Lihaza tumko baa-izzat bari kiya jata hai Santa- Iska matlab mai Wo Cycle rakh lu..?

Snta: Goa ja rha hu,Bus se bv ko khai me gira dunga. Bnta:Meri b leja,Use b gira dena Snta:Ok,Agr tu bura na maane to use wapsi pe gira Du?

Sardar ko 1000ka note mila,Jispe likha tha,HAPPY NEW YEAR Usne apni jeb se 1000ka note nikala uspe SAME2U likha,or wahi pe rakh k chala gya.

1din santa bazar gaya, 1chor uska mobile lekar bhag gya. Santa piche bhaga fir ruk gya or chilaya, Leja kute chargr lene ayega na tab pkdunga .